FORGIVENESS

Marriage Encounter truly is a blessing in disguise!

Learning about anger and forgiveness has opened my heart and mind to the variations of feelings that I would not have known if not for Marriage Encounter's Steeper STEPS program. The best thing about it is its free and you only need to commit to the days and time required to complete it.

I can tell you it taught me more that I can imagine.  The bible parables, movies to watch and books to read truly had an impact on how I view people and their actions towards me and with themselves.

Sometimes you feel sad when going through these phases of life, but how can you not forgive? How can you not say "I forgive you?" without truly closing the hatch and leaving it behind. Hmm, that is for you too find out, but for now, I am still going through the Steeper STEPS and loving it!

Our CNMI Worldwide Marriage Encounter offers more than just a weekend, it allows you to explore your marriage deeper than just saying I DO! It isn't built to fix broken marriages, but enhance what is beautiful and good to making even greater. I am all for M.E. and you should too!

I Forgive You!

Last Saturday, in the wee morning hours, my truck that was out for sale was broken into.  Shattered glass everywhere, scattered paper and emptied compartments looked as if a tornado formed inside the truck and devastated the look and feel of what I had built for comfort.

These thieves who took off with not only my pride and other valuables, but also took my security in that our island home offered many years ago. The security in which our safety was not even an issue, you left things unlocked and with trust beholding upon every man, woman and child in the Commonwealth, we were safe.

What is it with these thieves, I only can ask god that he have pity on their souls come salvation. What you took and what you damaged is only but material and I forgive you. May you see better times in your life and find the goodness in your heart to look beyond yourself and give penance for your sins.

I leave this ordeal with a clear heart and surprisingly, from what I have learned, I feel good about myself.  Thank you lord to ensuring your teachings are made available for your common man.

To my Father - Benny Koyama Pangelinan

Treasured Moments - The love you gave so willingly

 Father, dad... I miss you! As I sit and write on this day, our day, I recall the memories of the love and laughter we had shared throughout the years.

I know we have not been the best of friends, we separated and have become incognizant to what's more important in our lives, that is the time we have lost. When I write this, I am tearing, only because I only wanted more from you. I wanted a relationship that we could share openly, but maybe this is what our lord played out for us. It is no wonder that I have become the man I am, so giving, so trusting, let alone eager to share my life with those that I hold close to my heart. I can see now that the I have learned this from you.

I miss you dad, and although you are thousands of miles away, I know you are thinking of me as I am thinking of you on this day. You cannot imagine how grateful I am for all that you have done to showing me, teaching me life, although you stepped back and watch me fall and pick myself up, you never really stayed too far.

My memory recalls a particular moment, I believe I was 3-4 years old. We spent a family day at the beach, Royal Taga beach, I was too afraid to get in the water, but you followed me down despite the blazing heat, you sat on the shore and with your legs made a protective barrier, a pool for me to swim in. I remember enjoying enjoying myself only because I felt safe. You sheltered me from my fears, you did that not just for me, but for all my siblings. I thank you for that.

My dear father, I am sorry for not being there for you as well. I am sorry for not being the son who lived up to your expectations, but know this, the traits you have instilled in me has made me who I am today. There is no doubt in my mind that your influence gave me the motivation and determination I needed to move and progress in this world. The passion to care and love my family and the patience to understand the things around me.

Dad, I love you and I wish you could see this, and maybe one day, I hope sooner than later, we may strengthen our bonds and share what we have missed over the years.

 Your son,

 Wayne

Sometimes When...

There are times when you feel so alone. Even with loving family and friends, it is this unwarranted feeling that takes over. I guess you call it depression.  But mine doesn't stick so I say it's just a like being an outcast (for a while). Not knowing where you belong, how to fit in.

I want to write more, but I can't seem to get a handle on things today - as of now so to speak. Ughhh.  Another time then...

Curve Balls are Awesome!

Almost 4 years ago, I met her, she is awesome, beautiful, and intelligent. Who would have known that I was thrown a curve ball in life, usually I would strike out, but this was for sure a home run!

Year after year we build a strong and communicable relationship. Of course we had several bumps along the way, but I'd have to admit, as we age, I see her beauty come to perfection.

She will be celebrating her birthday two days from now. She wants nothing, but relaxation, I respect that knowing how hard she works, she deserves it!

         Dearest Honey:



It has been and will continue to be the greatest love I share with you. you are a remarkable person and I see you for the person you truly are. You share your love easily, you build up the man that I am, you treasure moments with our children, your kind and unselfish, your intelligent and by all means extremely beautiful and sexy.


As we grow together, know that I only wish for a lasting marriage. Our efforts and initiative to making this happen with that we are doing is working and without it, things would be rather different. I give my love to you knowing I get it in return ten folds. There is no doubt we were meant for each other.

Yes you Honey, I love you!

I love you more each day, your hubby,


Wayne

Moments like these are my treasure...

The early Sunday morn, January 29, 2012 - I turn 37 years old. Boni wakes and hugs me saying "happy birthday honey", I turn to her side, snug my face underneath her neck and chin and reply with the word thanks. She says she is going to brew coffee, my initial response was yes, I need that. Time to get up, face the day, a day I usually dread, but since with Boni, she has made my birthdays extraordinarily significant.

Well, it isn't a day I usually celebrate, for many reasons, I choose not too, its actually a depressing day for most of my life, again, until Boni has come into my life, things have definitely changed. I am grateful!

Ok, the day was planned by my wife, she had a lunch date with the family, made apple pie (mmm-mmm my favorite), dinner with people we love at home with home cooked meals, again something I enjoy much- cooking.

She was lovely, she took everything slow and showed me the caring and loving woman she is. She teaches the children on our outing about behavior and eating properly to feed based on needed nutrition. Her intent as with mine is to develop a healthier living habit for our children they can carry on in their lives. I support that and I dive in following the educational path we are to expose and instill in their young minds. We love them and this is why we do it.

In general, birthday blessings come from the heart and my family has shown just that. My father sends his best wishes, so does my siblings, my in-laws shared a moment at dinner making my day a special one to remember, my children state their love for me and I feel it - a true feeling can be felt even if words aren't spoken, my wife and her endearing qualities makes my worst days great! As such, my birthday is a hit each year since we have joined in union for and with our love and affection, I could not have asked for better moments like this.

Taken aback, my brother, Gerry sends me scanned photos of my past, well you can see for yourself, the children with me are Donny and Jayvier, little toddlers that have a whole lot ahead of them, if only they can concentrate..hahahha...Other photos were of the evening in sharing, oh how I love family time!

Our weekend was filled with activity, Nan and I went to celebrate her birthday at Hyatt, a father-daughter retreat, Saturday was a rest day, run a few errands and spend QT, Sunday my B-day and happiness from a great lunch at Mariana Resort & Spa to home cooked dinner celebration with the people I love. Wifey had her siblings at home for some great talks and family QT. Loving hugs and kisses from my daughters who came back fromt heir weekend with their dad.  Hope, Peyton and Sommer. Hope gave me yet another precious gift. I love my children. Ah yes, my son who is thousands of miles away sends his greeting via FB, such thoughtful children.

Got more greeting messages from my father, sisters, brothers and mom, such a lovely weekend and I would not trade that for anything. Hmmm, well-yeah nothing!

Reyes Familia sharing QT, Burrrrr! it was cold, but everyone was fashionably cool about it! Love them so much! 

Daddy and Som-som, I actually asked her what should I wish for, she said "good health for everyone" smart young lady!

Teenager, Wayannie blows her candle, I should have stepped in the photo as she asked me too, but I was busy taking it! Nevertheless she knows I love her. Hey wait, she had three cakes for her early b-day celebration... hmmmm so not fair! hahahha. Happy b-day Sweety!

Oh boy, brother Gerry sends these photos below, my past as a young father, still trying to get my footing on raising children, wait I still am... hahahaha, but now I have the greatest of partners in this, my wife. In this photo, Donny on my right and Jay on my left.

I dont remember this time zone, but I think I was still in High School and without children, gosh this is truly a flashback!

Boni would not have noticed my good looks and charm back then.... Ahem Nope she would have! hahahhaa!

Even further back! Auntie Beck and Auntie Mary are surrounded by myself and Pangelinan cousins.

Home sweet home, Susupe visit to the family. That's Donny with me! grumpy as usual. Sorry son, I had to post this! You'll thank me later when I'm gone.

Open it up, he is so excited can't you see.  hahahaha!

2011 had its challenges and successes

Its kinda late when I started to think about how was 2011 for me in general. My optimism gave my highs and depression gave my lows, but I'd say, my ratio of highs vs. lows was probably an 80-20.

Interesting enough, I remember mostly my lows. Hmmm, why is that? is it because it had a great, significant impact on how I felt whether it'd be for a day or carried and lingering for a week or so? Not sure exactly, so I could say 2011 was pretty awesome despite what I can remember.

I guess as a father, I have practiced so much into ensuring I show more love physically towards my wife and children. A time to refresh my memory of how this all transpired puts me right now at a high...

Boni and I went through scream free parenting and marriage encounter in 2010, and practicing what I've learned took some time. Reaping the benefits surely was seen in 2011. I could never imagined that using tools to build my undivided love and attention for my family has made everything all worthwhile and happiness is seen throughout my glow in life as it is today.  I feel an overwhelming feeling of joy, as such that I can relate to is the smell of a new car, its distinct aroma of scented chemicals that inspire a man's ego of accomplishment. A taste of strong coffee in morning where you say to yourself you just need it to make your day great, or that spicy pepper that makes food taste immaculate. It is that feeling of the morning sun as it rises from the horizon knowing a beautiful day is expected and you turn to the family and say let's go out, the beach, around the island, an activity where smiles and laughter give you the pleasantries of knowing you are doing great as a parent, as a father. What more can be expected as 2011 closed its doors for me on a happy note.

My challenges were that of finances.  Well who doesn't have that in their lives. I won't dwell too much on it, as with living and revolving around finance, all you can do is wake each day and pray that what you do counts to making a difference for yourself and for those around you. You see, my intentions to build my family up comes first. Then my extended family is my employees, they too are as important in my life. Sometimes I feel like the godfather, except with no Italian mob accent, maybe I should start practicing and be called the "DON". Nevertheless, each to their own lingers in my mind, but if I can help to steer them and assist in helping them find the fruits of labor in their lives, then that too is an accomplishment, yet finance challenges stick around for the long haul and I must ensure that making and taking the right choices will benefit myself, my family and everyone around me.

Successes is depended on how you feel about the accomplishment whether big or small. I'd say I have had many successes in 2011. But that did not come without support from my wife and others and the love for what I do. I am a person who is motivated by an idea. Never giving up on what I believe is possible drives me to engage into new challenges. I take stride each time I face an idea to see whether I can make this work and whether it be something that will benefit the community.

Tops + More magazine and Charcoal BBQ paved way for new income for Bison Relations, my partnership with my fellow employees make this a worthwhile venture knowing full well we are doing what we all do best and enjoy. Hence, we all strive for challenges.

As for parenting, it has its greatest pleasures. The love we share, communication (which can be improved more), my patience and understanding indicates that we will all be fine. Our journey into a peaceful lifestyle will only enhance each and everyone of us. My life is full and 2011 has been good to me.

OK, so I'm losing weight...

My wife posted a comment on FB about my lost of weight. She intentionally made a statement to ask "so what" and I agree with her. Ok so I'm losing weight and some say I'm on drugs and using some rapid lose weight pills, and that's a laugh to begin with.

NO! I am eating better, portioning foods for what I need to burn calories, staying away from junk food and picking up oranges, apples, pears, melons and plenty of water. I guess this works for me as for others it may not.

So in essence, yes I am losing weight, but that's for my benefit - my personal goal of longevity in life for my family. I will do what is necessary to maintain I live long enough to share valuable memories and build them as well.

For too long, I've neglected my health, now that I am eating right and lost the weight, its time to turn into other healthy living standards such as the removal of bad habitual practices. Ughh! yes I do have my share of "bad" habits. One day at a time.

Funny how the word spread likes wildfire here in the Commonwealth, I guess its a good thing if its positive and dreadful if not.  Nevertheless, my clarifications on my weight lost is clear, no drugs, no pills.