Taking it all in!

Grrr.... finances, finances...I received a letter from the CNMI Tax and Revenue Office stating I am needed to come in and straighten out my 1040 submission.. Hmmm, I wonder why? I asked myself.

I was so curious at the same baffled by what is the problem with my tax submission. I drove up to the Tax & Rev Office, parked, took a deep breath, oh....bare in mind I am not receiving this year, but paying on chapter 2, the first time it happened to me. Anyhow, I went in, picked a number to be seen, when I was called, the attending woman says politely, "good afternoon, how may I help you sir?", I smiled in return and greeted her as well and I responded, I received this letter as I showed it to her, she took one look and said, "oh my, may I get your social security number?" I passed it along verbally and she typed it in, now I started to sweat, her comment gave me a scare. My thoughts on having to make another payment haunted me...She grinned for a moment as she went over the computer screen looking at what's the problem. My sweat continued to downpour from my head, to cheek and other parts of my heated body from the pent up feeling of anticipation.

She said "Mr. Pangelinan, I'm afraid you did not report on your interest received for the year, there are bank interest on a savings account as well your CNMI Retirement Fund interest", she commented. Ok, a sigh of relief. As she wrote down the amount, I came to realize that my RF amount is huge in interest and said to myself, oh my, am I to cover these cost again? How will I do this?

The thought of more hardship rattled my brain. She smiled as she gave me the documet wih the written amount on it, I looked at her in disbelief, I said thank you and walked away. By this time, everything is sinking in. My worries got the best of me and I was taking it all in, I feel like I am on my last string. Quite disturbing... Shoots, I did not ask whether I am to pay for all these? What would my wife feel about the debt I am about to share with her? Damn! I'm in another bind.

COMMON-WEALTH? In the Biz...(rambling off)

The business climate in the CNMI is taking a downturn come the slow months of tourism ahead. An expected 33% drop in airline arrival seats would cause a severe impact on the Commonwealth. A wise man whom I respect said this to me, "In order for a business in the CNMI to remain in business is the need to capture 40% of their usual inventory, hence we can survive". The play of words in COMMONWEALTH, is in fact best defined of its use when considering the people in a community, in this form, I see it as COMMON-WEALTH for all and not anyone particular.

Hence wealth in common for all, it is not easily justified when not all are striving for the same. Meaning, how can each and every individual achieve wealth if they are not willing to make that needed change in lifestyle? Or take the steps to enriching knowledge through a proper education that in turn will be beneficial in the long run?

Not an easy to respond to, yet we are labeled by many businesses on island as EMO or EFO employees. In the biz of it all, we are facing Federalization. This has caused much of the mixed feelings I am hearing today. Where do investors go? what do they do? Visiting the DHS office on Saipan, their person in charge could not and will not provide an answer due to DHS lack of regulations that will be imposed in the COMMON-WEALTH. The workforce is in a state of confusion, with the labeled local workforce, businesses are forced to look at added cost to insure the transition of employees. I have witnessed many different behavior patterns, oh how I wish this was not true, but reality sets in. I have had numerous local employees in the past, some of which I can entrust responsibilities whereas majority would be the EMO/EFOs. Can a business afford for constant turnaround of employees? With the word "training", the OJT is a costly factor indeed should employees intervals be a major factor in any large or small business.

Then there is the upcoming election. A hundred plus vying for 41 positions, wow, I am ecstatic to see the movement for change, but to some degree it is also frightening that certain individuals running may not have the slightest idea of what the job entails. Now we the people are entrusting individuals with our very own lives, can we afford or even accord a candidate based on family ties and popularity alone? Time for real decisions to be made.

I am not a person who sees our older, experienced politicians as the old guards that need to be changed, but I do see some of them as refined and able to see past personal ventures for the good of the COMMON-WEALTH. There are those that will and can have their points addressed properly when in office as they speak for us.

I have had numerous encounters sitting and speaking with legislators on their views, since I am in business for myself, of course, I wonder where would a small business fit in to survive this inclement business climate. A few I truly admire for their service to the people and most whom I simply disregard.

I for one, believe in my father-in-law, he does not say much, but does a lot to compromise through his actions. I was shocked when I found out he does not draw down his salary for years and contributed to the scholarship program, where I am sure, my brothers (younger) have been recipients for many years fulfilling their educational aspirations. I am not here to address his campaign, but more or less my views on what I believe as I think is an asset to insuring our COMMON-WEALTH is what it stands for. Hi re-election is not an easy one, it is actually a daunting task and I know it is taking a toll on him. Nevertheless, he does not give up and nor should we on candidates who can make the necessary differences in our lives. At least in this post, I place my vote of confidence in my father-in-law Pete P. Reyes to help guide our young politicians should they get into office what are the core values of SERVING the people.

A taste of solitude

It was not long ago when I imagined my childhood upbringing. It was hard, difficulty at its best that one would endure. The essence of molding a young boy soon to be man at his young age had dreams, big dreams that may have been impossible to reach. As young as I was, I remember the lifestyle that enhanced my understanding of believing in yourself, the joy of accomplishment and the demise of torment. I've longed for peace at mind, I wanted a good taste of solitude.

Years have passed me by and yet I still see myself in this ever-changing world eager to challenge what comes my way. I push, struggle, defeat or get beaten by my very actions. The lessons that I thought I have learned have only been a phase of what's ahead and that one day, all will come back to test my patience, my understanding, my character, but now as a man.

Tonight, a night like every other night, I find myself in complete solitude. A calm serenity fills my heightened desire for peace. Favorable noises I've become accustomed to. A cooling sensation of an air conditioner keeping the room temperature just the way I want it. Stay like that...Keep me cool...Help me to relax... and so it has, I sink into the bed, fluff a pillow and shape it nicely where I can lay my head with comfort. Just a few sounds lingering in the background, yet soothing. I am in a solitude state of mind, I am experiencing solitude at its best.

Papago Fogged Up!

Almost a complete week of rain, pouring days and nights, the nights are chilly and moist, the grounds are all soft and mucky, the winds carry scents of ocean spray, but what astounded me most was the Papago Fog... I have not seen fog since my last visit to Oregon, although I believe I came out a little too late in the morning to see the actual thickness of it, but I still was enjoying the drive.

A nice drive in the tropical fogged up papago winding roads on Saipan...

Shame on ME!

Shame on me as the hours turned into days, and days turned into months, shame on me on the most cherished days of mothers, I did not deliver. I kept to myself, knowing full well that I did not make the best of that one day for who I love dearly.

My regrets are deep, but not forgotten...

My dear love Boni,

I hope that my inadvertent shortcomings have not made you feel unappreciated. I have something for you, it just took a little longer than the date it was originally set for, the perfect gifts are usually a waiting process, but in the end priceless. In this I carve a permanent place in our home, in your life and with this, I share more than what is expected...

Happy belated Mother's Day!

Yes, the process took longer for this gift of love and affection, I did not forget and worked diligently to make this a reality for you Boni. The ambiance will change, it's precision built for convenience, the usefulness made to express itself on it's own, I hope you will cherish this...

Loving you in more ways than you can imagine, I remain,

your husband

A Daddy's Pride

It was not until last night where I let go of what I held in for so long. I broke down in tears after a few hours of deep thought on how much I am missing with the raising of my children. I am distant and yet so near, but several factors hinder my presence with them.

I see what my father went through, I am living it and now I know the pain. This is no joy ride, this is reality. It struck me hard as I don't want to be without them, but that is something that I cannot undo. I am a dad, not just a father...

This explains my unexplained despondency once in a while. Yesterday, on Face Book I wrote, I am "trying to find solace and tranquility" and then after I "cannot understand"... It is the feeling

in me for days. As the first tear rolled down my face, a river followed. I watched videos of the children on my phone as they laughed and shared their true self, no hidden agenda, just them in their imperfect form. This was a weekend atop the hill at the American Memorial Park, where Donny, Hope, Jayvier, Wayannie and Wade rolled down the hill from where we placed a mat and a coolers with refreshments to enjoy. Such laughter and joy on that particular brought my heart to feeling the pain of where am I in their lives, where do I stand as their dad? My sister says "I am sorry, but that is something you will have to learn to endure, they know who their dad is and they know what truly happened".

The weekend nears and I get to see them for a few hours on Friday evening, at least the four. I will enjoy every minute of it, I will make the best of the limited time I will have with them. I hope this will cure my despondency. A daddy's pride is subject to being tested just like everything else, and yes I can say it is not easy living through this ordeal. I truly love my family, I love my wife, I just wished I had all of them everyday with me....

Trying to find solace and tranquility...

Help!!!! I see a difficult path ahead and yet I stumble each time I take a different turn. What's got into me? This is not me in the usual optimistic, smiling, happy go lucky kind of guy. I've been feeling tired, stressed, unwanting to endure a good time, what is it? Is it the weather? is it my diet? Is it just me, am I making this feeling up?

It's been a while...Rambling off Now!

Yup, it's been a while since my last post, I've been busy, busy and so busy. What as happened that inspires me, well I must stop writing about speeding officers past me on the road as it occurred another 4 times since my last post on them, the job is hectic, yet rewarding when accomplishments are seen, life still throws curve balls, but definitely and indication that I am living and people around me...Let's go there for this post...PEOPLE.

The saying of six degrees of separation, how uncanny of this notion to be so true that when you least expect it, the person you knew through a friend is someone that will make or change the path you thought you were on, of course this sounds philosophical, yet if you really think about it, it is there and you don't always see it, bt it is there changing you, your movement, your path... What?? Do we live in the matrix? Well what is the matrix??? Let's not go there...

Back to PEOPLE, how do you see others around you? One person told me today, Wayne, you are too nice and yet people who see you for who you are treat you nice and then trample on you only because they think they can...I smiled and responded, Karma has it's ways...One day, when I find out of what had transpired, they will get theirs ten folds...I am patient and understanding, but push me far enough and I will let go of all that I know to be humble, yeah, yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah, sure many would say whatever Wayne and that's only because I am different today. The people around me, the influence, the strength of positive actions lead to my being the way I am.

I like who I am, I like the people around me, they make or break you and its choices that lead us to how we wish to live our lives. Love your family, love your wife or hubby, what else would matter?

Who stands for the Commonwealth?

A family gathering took place yesterday as we celebrated my youngest daughters 5th year birthday as well my two Jr. High graduates. It was the perfect day for an outing at the beach, the wind blew gently and consistently, the water seemed mirror like only until the jet ski rider rips through the water creating ripples as far as one can see. It was this perfect where friends and family gathered and shared concerns on the upcoming guberatorial election, only reason this came us is the Juan/Galvin duo were adjacent to us as they prepared for their campaign party. "Who stands for the Commonwealth?" asked an individual..

The question lingered in my head, but as I continued to listen, the discussion took a turn, where all candidates are of equal status today and no indiference is seen amongst them, this would be a difficult choice for voters to make. Again, the question lingers, who stands for the Commonwealth? Our candidates make promises, some may be kept and some not and we cannot hold them to it if they do not meet the promises as expectations always depending on circumstances. The question asked for who will lead us, who will endure the painstaking decisions that could affect their constitutents in the name of keeping the Commonwealth alive. The question asks, which candidate will make a change for better and stop this non-sense hirings of friends and family who simply cannot fulfill their basic duties and repsonsibilities when given positions at the helm of critical government agencies, and offices.

When placing your vote this primary election as well the actual gubernatorial elections, set aside preference, set aside, the 'I Know him", set aside the promised jobs for family and friends, but set your expectations on who will stand for the Commonwealth!

Joke of the week - Mr. Postman...

It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns.

When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for £50. At the second house they presented him an 18-carat gold watch. The folks at the third house handed him a bottle of 15-year old Scotch whisky. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a blonde in her lingerie. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she gave him the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the blonde fixed him a full English breakfast: Bacon, eggs, beans, mushrooms, sausages & fried bread with freshly squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a £5 note sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the five quid for?"
"Well," said the blonde, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you...I asked him what to give you". He said, "F***him. Give him a fiver."
She smiled shyly and said, "The breakfast was my idea."

Smiles from Bad Eyes!

This morning around 06:34am, I was outside and ready to head out for work when Boni slips out of the door dressed in ablack outfit. I thought to myself, wow, I have not seen her wear that before and it looked beautiful on her as I stood from a distance. I waited to comment on it as she walked closer and low and behold, it did look good on her except, it wasn't an outfit. Boy did my bad eyes make a great morning after I commented on it.

She was wearing a black slip silk robe that comes up just above her knees and without its waist tie, she had a hair clip pinned in the center to make it seem as if it were a fashion belt. From afar, it looked stunning on her and while she approached and I took a second look at what she wore, I smiled and commented stating exactly what I thought of the outfit as she came out from the house.

That was funny and yet sometimes having bad eyes could bring a smile and more at the right moments. Enjoy your day!

WE, the indigenous have a voice...

In 178 days from today, the Federal Government will take over the CNMI's labor and Immigration, hence head note 3(a) is gone, the Garment manufacturing tariff that allowed the CNMI to be competitive, now much more to be retracted on the covenant of our very own livelihood, Immigration which would put a halt to our tourism industry and jeopardize the way we live, the way we survive.  It appears that our old guards, our older politicians have served within their means, they have served to protect the people, the indigenous and visitors alike. Today, I worry that our experienced leaders have felt that they lost the battle, now I question, what happens to us?  The indigenous people of the CNMI who since 20-30 years ago, had no say on the matters of governing our land, our prosperity, our livelihood.   WE, the indigenous have a voice that WE whould exercise.

Today, we have a voice, we are in the mere 18 years to 40 who have not really shared our thoughts, our ways of handling issues.  I would like to state commendations to our young leaders such as Ray Yumul, Tina Sablan and Ralph Torres for being in the political Arena despite the challenges.  But is that enough? Our generation is faced with difficult choices.  Our generation will be the driving force for future islanders.  Should we sit idle and let this be where the Federal Government dictates our very lives by enforcing regulations that do not complement an economy for growth, but rather hinder the growth we need for ourselves and our children and their children.  The people who sit on the nation's capital stating that in the past 20 years, there has been Labor & Immigration abuse, fine, but was that our time?  No, it was not us, our generation has been listening to our elders, following orders and chores to maintain a home, guess what?  Our home is much larger than the four walls we sleep in, our home is the land we till, the waters we fish in, the community we engage with, the people who will be here until we take our last breath. 

You have heard numerous talk and spread of issues regarding how the U.S. handles their border, yet still 20 million are in the US illegally by crossing borders from Mexico and elsewhere. Then here they are looking at us?  Remotely isolated, a land mass of 48 square miles, where would they go? Where would they hide?  Is it really necessary to take over Immigration and Labor and cripple us from economic recovery? 

Ask yourselves these questions, I for one would love to spearhead a group, a mass group of people to make a standpoint on allowing OUR generation an opportunity to self governance. 

"The bull and I"

May 27, 2009...Here was a day of precarious feelings, I had no reason to feel that way, but circumstances prior to the day had engulfed my senses.

A quick stare, a glance with utter detestation as I viewed the room and hallways. I hear voices echoing through the halls, no matter how distant, pressure waves hit my ear drums in all directions, they come as muffled noises where some could be made out clearly while others remain white noises. My bull stood beside me, intimidating the others, I sighed with relief and now knowing that my hands rest in the words of my bull in today's eventful yet stressing ordeal.

"I know these people" stated a well-respected individual as he looked upon us from his seat, I stared and smiled and nodded my head with a facial expression indicating acknowledgment. I felt as if I emanated a statement from my mind through my facial expression "yes, I know you too sir, please allow me to finish today"... My silent posture and direct eye contact could have sent that message across the room, it did, I was blissful.

Now I get to set things straight, I am tired of playing games, I am tired of games played against me, now I get to set things straight, again...

As my bull showed his strength in a calm, soothing, yet poignant display of selected words, I knew that the parasite and her carrier would have to conjur up something strong to go against it. Yes, I was relieved. The parasite backed off, her carrier realized he was on the pedestal for mockery. I am relieved in the system as my last ordeal left me belittled, confused, and upset in that the system failed me, but today, it left me with high spirits for that I had the opportunity to set things straight.

You see parasite, there will battles you may think you have won, but let alone, I will not allow myself to be taken by lies, deceit and by cruel intentions from diseases caused by such parasites. My bull and I will continue to set things right... Enjoy!

Joke of the Week!

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

                                                                                                        - Contribution of: Alex Chessun - uk

Never Knowing...

You never know what a few minutes ahead will lead you too, the results, the outcome;

You'll never know when the words you say could hinder everything you've worked so hard for only beacuse you feel that expressing yourself truthfully would be best;

You never know consequeunces from others as you cannot imagine what they are thinking;

You can never know what the future holds but can imagine what it could be;

Besides the never knowing, the thought of knowing your fate could be a scary one sometimes, but then again knowing could have you make the better choices.  If you had to choose, would you rather "never know" or "know" whats ahead and coming?

A Walk to Remember...

Time is limited, time is precious, a short weekend with my children brought us together in a short bonding experience where this walk in the park made everything in the world possible in my heart and spirit.

The youngest of the eight rest atop my shoulders looking as if he is on top of the world, yet he is, his smile depicting the pleasure of excitement as we strolled the grassy field in search of termite colonies in trees.  This was a fascinating experience as I explained on what these creatures do, how they live and


survive, of course the attention span of my 4 year old determines it's time to see other things.

Treasured moments are all around us, we just need to feel it more freely and let it all come naturally.  I think as adults we fear too much on perception from others.  Today, I really don't care what people think of me, it is most important how my eight children see, love, and respect me as DAD!

Why Stay?

Why stay asked a friend last night from Korea.  He says, "there is so much more out there that I beleive you could be better off, with your capabilities, understanding and more importantly your drive to succeed...WHY STAY?"

It made me think of the hardship I have faced over the years on this rock in western Pacific hemisphere, the island we know as home.  I stopped to think about it, the question that is...Why is it that I am still here? Why haven't I considered the move earlier on.  Well, it's simple, as I smiled back at him and said, this is where I live, with the people I love, the island I adore, and eventually the place where I will be laid to rest... He looked back at me and nodded his head and said, "I admire that, you express love for your country and are doing everything necessary to support it's growth economically".

Sure, there are opportunities, and why not look at greener pastures for oneself, but in the end, everyone comes home.  Now I am blessed with a wife and eight loving children that make any bad day feel great.  This is my home, this is my life I chose for myself, these are my reasons for staying.

The A.L.L. When is enough - enough?

The tone of voices ramble through my head, I wonder whether I defended myself on what I believe in. I spoke of TRUTH, yet the lies and cheats of individuals ravage through the conversation that eventually caught the audience and made them believe I am at fault. The truth was buried. I wondered whether I was screwed once again and thought to myself, could people really be that selfish, greedy, insensitive.. Oh yes they can be and then I asked when is enough, enough?

I was in court today, and I could not believe what had happened but I'll save that for another post when it is all over. A feeling held me in a trance since the time I woke this morning. I felt a surge of uneasiness and could not bring myself to a calming stage. Aside from the day to day work related duties that need to be dealt with, I was engulfed with thoughts of preparing myself of what to expect. Yeah... that did the trick!

When your down and you are constantly feeling blows that won't stop, your mind races and brings you to a different mode. My mode was frustration, anguish, pain and also sorrow for the ones who show the interest of greed from my hard work and indulgence. Yes, I blame myself for this action upon me, it could have been avoided if I took the other step as was advised, but I did not and it led me to where I am today.

However, no regrets, I have learned a great deal of this ordeal and will establish myself even stronger for the next battle I am to entangle myself in. What would that be, next in line? Come forward and let's dance!

Culprit Behind the Swine Flu Movement

Hahahaha... Too funny!  A friend of mine sent me this photo that he has received from another.  What do you think?

Message: Hector Hernandez to Daniel to me...

"WHO is still searching where and when the outbreak may have started.  All kidding aside. Friends and family from Mexico have been walking on pins and needles.  People are encouraged not to leave their homes, avoid mass crowds in public places like parks, malls, restaurants, and even places of worship. For most attempting to get buy after a peso devaluation last October, and a looming decline in global sales, all agree times are tough"

Fuel Down, Commodoties on the Rise!

A few months back we complained about the rising of fuel causing everything to go up, or at least that was what we saw.  It gave every business a reason to raise prices despite old stock on shelves purchased before the rising of fuel, meaning, the cost on commodoties should not have risen on old stock, but they did as new shipment came in.  Granted it's business, but sometimes, as a consumer, I feel duped.

Well now, fuel prices have been steady, yet commodoties have not really gone down, overall there is still an 11% increase on food items and this was at the height of fuel cost.  Is this fair?

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Political arena awe's another new candidate...

Vicky Guerrero expresses her interest in the political arena for the upcoming election in precint I.  As I understand, this is the precint that has many seats and therefore much competition.  At least this puts another young fresh mind to wit what our government is doing and where we are heading.  Not to say my friends and I say respectable friends on hill have not done the best they could, given the circumstances, but as many say, maybe it's time to see a shift, a change in political power and new faces, new ideas.   

Who knows, but I like what I see, more young, avid change seekers, vying for seats on the hill.  Good luck to Vicky and good luck to those who may want to get into the political arena!