Caught the FLU bug!

Its that time once again and I'm down with symptoms.

The flu bug caught me several days ago and today its hitting hard. No one is a fan of getting sick, yet we are vulnerable in the tropics of these illnesses. Sad but true, we are all vulnerable.

What does this mean for me, ugh...Fatigue, body aches, migraines, bowel movements, muscle and joint pains and meds do not do me justice. Time and rest is what's on my mind right now, but here I am at work to ensure that my duties don't fall behind and granted I am the go to guy for any facility needs for this program.

Stay clear of me today and until this flu subsides from my system. Oh Zzzz's how much I want you now.  Stay healthy CNMIers!

Salt-water therapy or I'm cranky!

This weather is making me feel the need for salt-water therapy! Winds are not falling to the ideal fishing weather and I am getting cranky...

I took a friend out Wednesday evening for a short fishing trip at 19 knots winds with gust to 22 knots at the time we were in the water. I was fine and trying to maintain my deep drop line in search of Silvermouths or any great tasting deep water fish in our Marianas Pond.

However, the trip had to be cut short. With only 2 drops under my belt and three (3) 2 lbs kale kale, I had to head back. Why? Why so soon?

Well, my fishing partner got sick. He freaked out as well seeing 9 foot swells coming towards the aft of the boat as we were in idle and drifting with the winds. I turn to see the depth finder and yell its time to drop. As I look back, I see his face. His eyes glistening as if tears are in them. His body movement swayed with the rocking of the boat in the high swells. His one arm holding on to the support rail for the cover and his head turns over towards the edge of the boat and spewing vomit out the side.

Chum for those fish nearby I thought, but hey, I am not that mean. I told him lets pick up and head home. Instead of saying we are leaving because he is sick, I told him we are leaving because there was too much current. In fact, the current was strong and pulled out about 1K of line on 650 feet drop, but thats how it goes.

So leche' 10-11 or 21 as I want my therapy I guess it will not happen this weekend... Ugh!

Break out the Penns!

Its a weekend to fish as the Marriage Encounter husbands will go on its fun-filled fishing derby on who will gain bragging rights to this Saturday's competition. Tweety, My Boni, J Jr. are all set to head out with the boys on board.  Manny, Fred, Nick, Tom, Paul, Jun, Wayne, and Christopher will head out at 8am and return by 2pm.

A short get away, but should be filled with laughters and stories of fish tales on the one that got away! Hmm. I wonder what this day will bring forth.

Pull out the Penns!

Greased and ready, each to their own style of fishing. the Penn Reels are shining bright and lines tight for the day that each angler with their captain and boat hopes to bring in the biggest catch. Of course its mainly to brag, but who says we can't share the meat?

Hearing the Penn Reels go off is always a great sound. Its losing it at the end where it sucks air, but thats fishing. We estimate at maximum 15 knot winds with wind waves around 4-6 in east and 3-4 in the west, the real question is where are the fish and where do each captain go to fish for those yum-tasting fresh fish. Good luck boys and don't forget the beer lai!

Fish on Marianas!

LIFE Happens!

We age with every tick of the clock. Time is lost and can never be retrieved, but we can all make the best of the time we have on our blue planet.  Bon and I have our children to love and bring forth as great citizens into the world that is sometimes cruel and sometimes it brings everlasting joy and happiness to our hearts. Thats because we choose to love. Our decision to love is choice we made after getting encountered with Marriage Encounter in the Fall of 2010.

Our children see this and we are proud parents knowing we did our very best to provide the comfort they need, the love they require and the space that is essential to their growth and development.  Our struggles with a blended family was not easy, but definitely rewarding. We see each of them in their element. Their character, the way they progress and think for themselves. The way they put up a fight with courage to stand for what they believe in. At times passive, but that is their own way on how they deal with things. I am a proud father to them all and although I rarely see and speak to everyone, I hope that one day after they view this post will realize that as a parent, a human being, I too have made mistakes in relationships, but have never stopped loving them each of them unconditionally.

My wife is the better person in our marriage, she has taught me countless times on how to deal with issues and for the betterment of our livelihood together as well our children. To see them prosper and become adults in their own right has made me feel nostalgic and I find myself reminiscing on past photos.  With this post I share a few photos of who they are today and how confident each is growing in their own skin.

Life happens and because we cannot turn back time, each of them will go through hardship. They will face an array of issues that are both good and bad. They will find joy and happiness for themselves. I only hope that from what we as parents taught them - that making the right decisions for themselves - will always be atop their minds.

I am so proud of everyone and I will share some words about each of them below. One day when they read this blog post they will see that even though dad was a strict person in their earlier childhood, I meant well for their upbringing. And if what I had caused over years past hurt them and I have failed to apologize, I say this,

"To all my children, I too have made many mistakes in our lives and our relationship. I ask for your forgiveness.  I will always love each of you".

Anthony: I recall years back of how hard I was on you. I had my reasons, but that never stopped me from loving you. Although we do not speak much today, I think of you more than you know. Your career move into being a chef surprised me in great way. I could remember your corned beef fried rice that you made whenever you were hungry, it tasted real good and each time I made it, I thought of you. Your a man of your own choosing, I tried to have a stronger influence with your decisions, but that was wrong of me. I am proud of who you have become and I see greatness that will come from your talents.

Donovan: The military was not of your choosing. You took it as a way out, but never said that was your reason. I see in you a strong exterior shell that hides your emotions. One day I hope that you will be in touch with them as you will see the benefit. You will marry soon to a woman who brings your smiles and makes your heart flutter in cloud nine. Your career move into the medical field is a great one, I can see a future that you can be proud of as you continue to progress forward. Your knowledge will come to find its need everywhere you go. Keep it up!

Hope: Sweet, delicate and head strong. You did it! A graduate of Sacramento State University in less than a month from now.  Your life is gearing up to enter a new chapter. We have heard your struggles and accomplishments and all the while gave the space you need to decide on what is best for you.  We are super proud of you as you start with a career that you have chosen for yourself. No one can take away what you did, you earned every right to be who you are. Your intellect will go to great use here at home when you return. I can see your generous heart moving mountains. You love so freely and in this life of yours, I hope that you will find the love you desire.

Jayvier: Our family comedian that never fails to bring out laughter in any circumstance. A heart softer than the touch of silk and that is wonderful for a man to have. Remain positive, work hard and you will reap the benefits. Love unconditionally as you do and I hope your getting that in return as well in your relationship. Decide wisely on what you do with your life as I know you tend to jump and react so quickly. Impulsive is not a bad thing, but always remember to step back a bit and see things clearly. I say this because I know and I have had my fair share of struggles because of such action.

Wayannie: Your starting your journey with fulfilling your education. My look-a-like as many have said before. But your more level-headed than I am and that is why you will succeed with your studies at North Georgia University.  Your quiet but thats only because your thinking, I believe that you will start to voice your concerns more freely and debate your arguments with passion. I know this will eventually be you. Your strong-willed and like to do things alone, similar to my trait. Because your quiet, do not let people assume they can walk all over you. Stand firm, plant your feet and use this time to explore and be adventurous. Remember family is always there and no matter how far you may be, you have many that love you dearly.

Peyton: One extremely strong individual is how I define you. That is your character that was not seen by me until your early teen years. So talented in dance as music lifts your soul, you have life in you that will one day shine brighter than the sun. Your comfortable in your skin and it shows. Your nervous at most times, but you pull through with grace and confidence, something you learned on your own and I could not be more proud of you. This tells me you will be just fine. Stay strong dear.

Sommer: My firecracker, quick with puns and your intelligence is off the charts. Youngest of the girls, you are truly one who makes my day with intelligent jokes and your caring persona. While you have your anxieties and a temper that's like Donny, you will need to control this. Quick on your feet and a great listener, I hope one day that when your older, you will go back and see just how you came to be this brilliant person. Of course, genes from your mother is a plus!

Wade: The youngest of the eight. I spoke to you today a week after your 13th birthday and I cried after because you were taken away from me too early. Nevertheless, your growing to be a very intelligent young man. Your interest in astronomy and paleontology amazes me. Continue to learn and become that of what makes you happy.

My children, life is truly short. Mistakes, heartbreaks, struggles will come your way. Be resilient, tough, and pray as that would get you out of anything. I love you all with all that I am. A simple person that I hope in one way or another has contributed to your happiness as a person. Never give up, live and make it known that you are living.


My wife, I wrote this so I do not forget to see just how special each of our children is. I put it in words so that I can and everyone else can reflect on it just as much as I am. Whether we live to be a 100 or live to see only tomorrow, my memories of everyone is deep within my heart. I want everyone to know this.

I'm going for it!

I decided to enroll with the Northern Mariana College (NMC) fall semester.  Once again I will attempt to induce myself in college learning and acquire the degree that I eluded to obtain for myself over 20 years ago.

Taking advantage of the Prior Learning Assessment (PLA) program I will use my experiences in life to hopefully prove to the Dean of Academic and Programs that I am competent and have surpassed the requirements of certain courses offered at NMC to meet my educational degree in Business Management.

No doubt I have been involved and operated various business models over the years and in different sectors to add. From the perishable fish business to the airline industry, to occupational safety consultation services to construction, to public relations and education to marketing and publishing, to boarding school to the food industry. While the effort made was fruitful, I am determined to complete this one aspect of fulfillment, a piece of paper that says I am a graduate in the filed of Business Management.

This semester, I pulled myself to work on 33 credits. 30 through the PLA as that is the maximum anyone could obtain through the program and another 3 on World Civilization. It has taken a toll on me, but as stated, I am determined.

INSPIRED

My soon to be Doctor is on her way. My wife, Boni inspired me to get that piece of paper. She has proven resilient and focused and seeing this has made me think about myself. Even though I still aspire to open up another business, I am working towards getting this done as it would benefit and show my children that no matter what, their dad can still overcome an array of obstacles.


Then there are my children. Hope is graduating with a Psych Major and Wayannie and Peyton starting off with their freshmen year at college. Tony who went to culinary school and is practicing the trade. Donovan who has been taking classes towards a nursing background and now myself as well. A family full of college students and that too
inspires me.

So here I go, another journey, another responsibility to enhance myself and hopefully continue to motivate myself throughout the remaining year or so to complete it. Several advisors had told me its never too late and the one I like the most is the saying "we understand, life happened!" How true and fitting that is.

Hafa adai taotao Marianas!

All Smiles Upon Him!

At 71, Pete P. "Slow" Reyes, has rejuvenated his passion for deep sea fishing. He does not necessarily just want a leisure style fishing trip, but that of the hard-core 12-18 hours trip deal. He is one tough dude!

For several weeks of taking him out on the "My Boni", a 19.5' Glass Pro, out into the deep blue Marianas pond.  He set his goal on catching his Onaga. Not just any Onaga, but a prize winning 30+ lber. is what he desires. We tried numerous spots that I know off and some that were given to me by master fishermen on Saipan such as George Moses, Judge Alex Castro, Diego Benavente and Judge Perry Inos. 

Our luck on those coordinates did not provide well for us. We caught fish, however not the ultimate Onaga he wanted. This past Sunday, November 12, 2017, Slow organized a trip to bring another master fishermen for deep drop fishing. Mr. Lino Tenorio, known for his "target fishing" tactics was on board for a few hours to show, teach, and provide a few coordinates that would bring us the catch.

Lino knew what we wanted and brought us to his spots that other fishermen ask him for. Sorry guys, this is the secret that I cannot share as Lino requested we keep it that way.

As we arrived about 3 miles out on the westerly waters off Saipan, we took our first drop. Lino on the Electra-mate 940 with a 12/0 reel and 200lbs. of braided line that goes up to 3K feet, I was certain we could haul up something worthwhile.  Within the first 5 minutes after reaching bottom with the use of # 1 rebar cut at a length of 14" to reach the bottom took about 4 minutes at a depth of 590-650 feet.

My Garmin 7DV Striker was adjusted at 77 megahertz to read the depth at an instance. Immediately you see the fish finder go to work...bleep- bleep- bleep... fish were all around at the bottom anywhere at depths of 5'-40'.

Pete P. "Slow" Reyes

Within the time frame of 5 minutes or possibly less, Lino feels a tug. He gestures "oooh, yeah, come-on!" then again another tug and immediately, he lets go of the line on his hands and turns on the reel. The 940 Eletra-mate starts winding. Its noise piercing while it winds that you could not hear yourself speak. You had to raise your tone to higher decibels to even hear yourself. We see the rod bend, then shake and then bend even more as the fish fought its way at the bottom hooked on the rigs. In a few minutes of winding up, the fish emerges. A silvermouth penetrates the surface. Slow picks up the fish and all smiles were upon him.

At the time of winding, Lino gave up the reel for Slow to carry on. We watched as he fished and realized we were doing this wrong. While we have the equipment, we saw our mistakes from the master of deep drop fishing.  It was our time to ask questions. It was a time to learn the skills that he beset upon us. He made it look easy, but he kept reminding us to be patient. This type of target-fishing he does was mastered after years of trial and error and he is giving us a crash course of deep-drop 401 on the mastery science and skipping all other pre-requisite learning courses. I know I am grateful!

Its over a year! Lets catch up!

June 2, 2014 was when I wrote my last post into my blog. I don't why I slipped this long, well I do. You see, I have been pressured lately financially. Business has been hard, small projects keep me afloat and a mountain of bills stacked up and I am trying to prioritize each every month. Sometimes I don't have enough to cover and I pray that those will not haunt me soon as I get off my feet to do some jobs of honest earned money.

Lately, my mind races with monthly obligations. some of which I had no choice but to hold off for months. Reason for this is simple. I had no income. I went out of my way for several years to look for stable income, but 15 failed attempts in jobs. I was at my low. I felt hopeless. I felt ravished by the interviews as they ask the same question. "Why should you be given the opportunity of this job versus other applicants?" I've answered this as best as I can only to find out out they had someone in mind and did the interviews only to satisfy the need. I guess you can I was used, but lets see how it truly made me feel.

After each interview, I felt good. I felt that I topped other candidates knowing what I was capable of providing and doing for the company or agency that would hire me. Little did I know after each failed attempt of landing a job, i started to lose confidence in myself. I fell in a deep depression believing I did not have what it takes to be on the competitive edge in the workforce. I felt small and wilted like a vegetable on the display refrigerator losing its greens to brown and slime where no one wants it anymore. I felt hopeless and so conscious of whether I am no longer the go-getter, ambitious guy who would not believe anything is impossible. I lost myself after so many interviews. I believe it was around the 8th interview where I thought I bagged it, but to find out a lesser experienced individual has been awarded the position because of a family name. It is common in the islands, nepotism reigns over non-popular political names. I was disheartened. I felt finished, a loser, a snail in the race.

My wife looked at me in my most vulnerable state. She encouraged me and said, "you need no one to help you. You will eventually land something. Don't give up!"

I needed that support and kept looking forward to a new day. Application after application, it was not easy. Interview after interview eating me up inside. I told myself to put my heart in faith and let our Lord guide me. My 16th interview, almost 2 years later, the lord answered my prayers. I would believe he sought out where I would be best to offer more in what I am capable of doing.  As of today, October 13, 2015 I was offered the position with the CNMI Head Start as their new Environment, Health and Safety Facility Manager. I am stoked and eager to start moving mountains again! Thank you dear Lord! I love you!

So for over a year since my last blog post, I felt lost, felt diminished, felt unworthy of being a man in my own home, felt undesirable, felt all the worst possible feelings that ate me up inside.

What I did was hide my feelings the best I can. Held it in. built up self pity and fell into my own world of depression once in a while. I would catch myself driving around and tears would roll down my cheeks. That feeling of failure raced through every nerve in my body, engulfing me with despair.

I eased much of detrimental feelings by going fishing more. It eases my mind and did it work? Yes, its my temporary fix for my mixed emotions. Today I feel alive once more and it feels great!

I am a fisherman!

It started out with I want a boat, I got one, I want equipment (Reels, Lines, Hooks, Lures, GPS, Depth Finder, Transducer, Rods, Coolers, Gas tanks, Radio, Speakers) I got them, and before you know it, $15K on the boat! And then more!!!!

Of course its expensive, but its also an investment. I have learned so much on my own and with the help of great fisherman who are willing to share. Yes, I have been fooled many times too, but thats part of the learning process. I would humbly like to thank the following: Gonzalo (Jun) Pangelinan, his brother Christopher Pangelinan, Joe Muna (Lin), Diego Benavente, Judge Alex Castro, Judge Perry Inos, Will Hunter, Will Schroeder, Alex Castro Jr., Sid Cabrera, Jess Muna (Dolores), Lino S. Tenorio, Jack "Wacko" Cepeda, Anthony S. Tomokane, and countless others! Each in their own has taught me a few things and while perfecting it to where I feel comfortable, I start bringing action on my own as a captain of the Boni fishing our Marianas pond.

This activity provides and crushes you at times, but like any other profession, you need to try. Time and time again, I started to build confidence in the wahoo fishing technique and I can honestly say when I go out for wahoo, I will get some on the deck! That is my strength today, I go after it and ensure that I do catch these beauties.  Although there are the days when I want to go out and test a theory, it sometimes gets the best of me.

Photo by Hyun Jae Lee

For example, does the moon have an effect on pelagic fish? Oh man yes they do! I tested the theory 3 times over a time span of three months.I waited to capture the full moon at its peak and went out on three different times to fish for pelagic. Early morning, Mid day to afternoon, and evening. For now, I say don't waste your time and money, because they are not going t bite unless they are the strays and hungry. I was told by fisher-buddies this theory, but I just had to test it for myself, there you have it, my experiences are shared for everyone to see.

I believe I have become quite good at fishing for Wahoos. some people are saying I am one of the most consistent wahoo fisherman on Saipan. How true is that? well I am not bragging.  I do it for several reasons. 1st is my family having fresh fish for meals. Friends who desire the fish and of course I sell a few here to cover cost and add a few bucks to my name.

So sure, being unemployed had me worked up. I am up at dawn and resting when everyone else is asleep. I dubbed my title as the domesticated engineer! Hahahaha!

Paying the bills!

 Each monthly obligation has me on my toes. I always ask myself if I could meet them. I am embarrassed towards my wife as I know she too has a lot on her plate and me as the man of the house, I don't want to fail her and my children.

I am creative and will find ways to make honest money to pay my bills and support my family. I focus a lot on my publication, yes I am a publisher too for Tops + More, your local magazine.

This is a quarterly publication focusing on positive insights of the Commonwealth. An opinion-based magazine offering feature stories that provide entertaining articles. Supported by advertisements, Tops + More is going on its 5th year.   Personally I enjoy doing this! I write, take photos, work with an artist on the layout, do the sales pitch for advertising... The whole nine yards is on me! I guess this is why I feel it rewarding as I am all around and catering to the very needs of the publication, while ensuring that quality is visioned and achieved.

I don't dare over expose myself to advertisers. I pick a few and work with them, develop a strategy and create it. It is something I enjoy just like fishing so is it realy work?

Captains Log has been a great hit in the community. Its funny, tells true stories of my experiences with other fellow fishing buddies as well strategies learned or told by other fishermen in their plight to being successful in the pond.  There is no dull feature on Tops as I try to entertain readers of what is great in our Commonwealth!

My latest issue is the on the right with Captain Lino Tenorio. He shares his views on deep drop fishing and successfully mastered the art. Dubbed the "Onaga King", he is definitely skilled in this arena. I know of no other person with a drive and his skill to bringing in these bright red tasty deep bottom fish.

My only success with deep drop was one night about a mile off from Managaha with a depth of approximately 1200 feet. I felt successful knowing I caught what we call wonder woman a.k.a. Monchong. A fish that is fatty and a definite plus to any culinary liking whether grilled, for sashimi, oven baked, fried, this fish does it all and because it just taste so good, you will not think of wasting anything on it!

With Tops + More, I am able to make just enough to carry me through each quarter. My monthly bills are prioritized as much as possible to lessen stress on my part. And when stress kicks in, I go fish again and again and again! Read on and fish on Marianas!

Next post will be about family, my new job and well what ever peaks my interest. I love our home in the Marianas and will defend whats great about it. For now, I leave to get rested and ready for yet another day in our beloved CNMI.

One Project At A Time!

I make a living with what I can do. It does not make much, but it is fueled with passion. little things that keep me busy, smoking meat, writing articles and publishing Tops + More, or writing in this blog to keep me from going nuts. I am a doer, practical and whenever needed to build I am that person. Stubborn too and many can attest to that, but if I am ever grateful, it is the very fact, that my office, my work is anywhere, hence the freedom to pick a spot on an island paradise. Go figure, you are what you make of it!

Unconditional....

The word itself means a lot if used to share emotion. I write this for what I believe is what I am getting (unconditional) love from my wife. You see, I feel I have failed in many attempts to find success. Reality is I put forward material over emotion over the years. My failure is not that I don't love enough, but the lack of my support over the years making me feel this way. I have lost financial footing, broke sweat and tears only to see my returns were slower than the cost of doing business. In the process, I forgot who stood by me most when I crashed. It was my wife who was always there.

It is unconditional love when she says, "we will sacrifice for you to go back to school and get your degree." Her words exactly and now I am afraid, not afraid to face the classroom, but afraid to fail as its been over 20 years since setting foot in a classroom and being taught by an instructor.

Deep breaths, feeling woozy at times, but I know she meant well with her support for me. She wants me to succeed and said, "at least then, I will not be passed over because of lack of intelligence and a document supporting that intelligence." She is right!

It is unconditional love to know that she will carry the family when I don't make ends meet to fulfill my education. She holds a masters and is pursuing her doctorate. I am just starting off for my BA this August 11, 2014, and 4 years from now with about 160 plus credits, I hope to walk the aisle with my head up high and looking for that beauty that has unconditional love, courage and patience to put me back in school.

Boni, I love you unconditionally!

Has it been that long?

Where do I start? Where did I leave off my last post?  Well I guess we can begin where I feel I jumped off the blogspot bandwagon. 

I guess to take the many months past, the significant change is a sour one to add. Sour in that one of businesses suffered and hemorrhaged while the other (smaller income) is stuttering to keep both businesses afloat. 

I put in anywhere from 10-18 hour days now and I find myself exhausted and aging faster than I can count my days, hours, minutes!

Times are changing.  In my own sentiment I wish time stood still.  And if it did where would I have stopped it-to relive it. That'll be another post someday.

Going back anf redirecting my brain to why I started writing this post. Its hard to be self employed.  Any issues with the businesses it is my responsibility to find a solution.  But truly it's tiring me out.

What does the future hold for the many islanders?  Are we plagued with a disease that haunts us, the economy?  While tourism is up it's rather unfortunate that businesses who reap the benefits are monopolized.

Dang I'm jumping in a variety of thought.  I am exhausted and will come back to writing this post to its entirety.

A few words spoken

He does not say much, but I know deep down inside his heart is full of love.

Weeks is what I had with him. Time is limited yet valuable to the situation.  He leaves for the Navy and I will surely miss him, my son Donovan.

I know you will fair well. You are strong, smart and fit. Your future holds no boundaries.  And the sky is the limit.  While out there please remember me as I always will do the same.

Be the boy I know who smiles and laughs genuinely without reservation.  Be the boy I know who cares so much for others other than himself.  Now be the man who believes he can make a difference. 

You go Donovan.  We are already proud if you. You should be proud of yourself as well. Much love from us back home.

Family is everything

 I'd Sacrifice All that I am for my Family!


They make me laugh, they make me smile, they make me angry at times and sad as well, but that is life that everyone endures it, but shared most in our household is the love for each other. The kindness and opened hearts that are seen freely within the halls, the rooms and walls that hold our secrets.

My family has become the pinnacle of feelings and emotions that coarse through my veins. the very root of expressing what is felt each day.

My wife Boni has taught me so much in the last 5 years together. She inspires me to to better, be a better father to our children, step up to making best choices for our children and more importantly she has taught me to love without hesitation, to love with conviction, to love with genuine honesty.

Boni is the stronghold of our family. no matter how I may look at situations, its her guidance with the soft heart that makes any day a better day.

She is loved and cherished by our children and of course my love for her is more than I have ever imagined. She is perfect in my eyes and that is why I married this woman to share my remaining years on earth.

Tops +More 6th issue

CNMI has many things to be thankful for. The people that make a difference, the season of giving is upon us and all the while, we are in spirit of good.

Tops + More brings you our 6th issue making yet another seasonal publication hit the CNMI. from foods to stories that make our CNMI whole, we at Bison Relations express our heartfelt appreciation to our clientele as well to our advertisers who keep this publication moving forward.

We bid you all good reading!

Tops + More 6th Issue

FORGIVENESS

Marriage Encounter truly is a blessing in disguise!

Learning about anger and forgiveness has opened my heart and mind to the variations of feelings that I would not have known if not for Marriage Encounter's Steeper STEPS program. The best thing about it is its free and you only need to commit to the days and time required to complete it.

I can tell you it taught me more that I can imagine.  The bible parables, movies to watch and books to read truly had an impact on how I view people and their actions towards me and with themselves.

Sometimes you feel sad when going through these phases of life, but how can you not forgive? How can you not say "I forgive you?" without truly closing the hatch and leaving it behind. Hmm, that is for you too find out, but for now, I am still going through the Steeper STEPS and loving it!

Our CNMI Worldwide Marriage Encounter offers more than just a weekend, it allows you to explore your marriage deeper than just saying I DO! It isn't built to fix broken marriages, but enhance what is beautiful and good to making even greater. I am all for M.E. and you should too!

I Forgive You!

Last Saturday, in the wee morning hours, my truck that was out for sale was broken into.  Shattered glass everywhere, scattered paper and emptied compartments looked as if a tornado formed inside the truck and devastated the look and feel of what I had built for comfort.

These thieves who took off with not only my pride and other valuables, but also took my security in that our island home offered many years ago. The security in which our safety was not even an issue, you left things unlocked and with trust beholding upon every man, woman and child in the Commonwealth, we were safe.

What is it with these thieves, I only can ask god that he have pity on their souls come salvation. What you took and what you damaged is only but material and I forgive you. May you see better times in your life and find the goodness in your heart to look beyond yourself and give penance for your sins.

I leave this ordeal with a clear heart and surprisingly, from what I have learned, I feel good about myself.  Thank you lord to ensuring your teachings are made available for your common man.

To my Father - Benny Koyama Pangelinan

Treasured Moments - The love you gave so willingly

 Father, dad... I miss you! As I sit and write on this day, our day, I recall the memories of the love and laughter we had shared throughout the years.

I know we have not been the best of friends, we separated and have become incognizant to what's more important in our lives, that is the time we have lost. When I write this, I am tearing, only because I only wanted more from you. I wanted a relationship that we could share openly, but maybe this is what our lord played out for us. It is no wonder that I have become the man I am, so giving, so trusting, let alone eager to share my life with those that I hold close to my heart. I can see now that the I have learned this from you.

I miss you dad, and although you are thousands of miles away, I know you are thinking of me as I am thinking of you on this day. You cannot imagine how grateful I am for all that you have done to showing me, teaching me life, although you stepped back and watch me fall and pick myself up, you never really stayed too far.

My memory recalls a particular moment, I believe I was 3-4 years old. We spent a family day at the beach, Royal Taga beach, I was too afraid to get in the water, but you followed me down despite the blazing heat, you sat on the shore and with your legs made a protective barrier, a pool for me to swim in. I remember enjoying enjoying myself only because I felt safe. You sheltered me from my fears, you did that not just for me, but for all my siblings. I thank you for that.

My dear father, I am sorry for not being there for you as well. I am sorry for not being the son who lived up to your expectations, but know this, the traits you have instilled in me has made me who I am today. There is no doubt in my mind that your influence gave me the motivation and determination I needed to move and progress in this world. The passion to care and love my family and the patience to understand the things around me.

Dad, I love you and I wish you could see this, and maybe one day, I hope sooner than later, we may strengthen our bonds and share what we have missed over the years.

 Your son,

 Wayne

Sometimes When...

There are times when you feel so alone. Even with loving family and friends, it is this unwarranted feeling that takes over. I guess you call it depression.  But mine doesn't stick so I say it's just a like being an outcast (for a while). Not knowing where you belong, how to fit in.

I want to write more, but I can't seem to get a handle on things today - as of now so to speak. Ughhh.  Another time then...

Curve Balls are Awesome!

Almost 4 years ago, I met her, she is awesome, beautiful, and intelligent. Who would have known that I was thrown a curve ball in life, usually I would strike out, but this was for sure a home run!

Year after year we build a strong and communicable relationship. Of course we had several bumps along the way, but I'd have to admit, as we age, I see her beauty come to perfection.

She will be celebrating her birthday two days from now. She wants nothing, but relaxation, I respect that knowing how hard she works, she deserves it!

         Dearest Honey:



It has been and will continue to be the greatest love I share with you. you are a remarkable person and I see you for the person you truly are. You share your love easily, you build up the man that I am, you treasure moments with our children, your kind and unselfish, your intelligent and by all means extremely beautiful and sexy.


As we grow together, know that I only wish for a lasting marriage. Our efforts and initiative to making this happen with that we are doing is working and without it, things would be rather different. I give my love to you knowing I get it in return ten folds. There is no doubt we were meant for each other.

Yes you Honey, I love you!

I love you more each day, your hubby,


Wayne

Moments like these are my treasure...

The early Sunday morn, January 29, 2012 - I turn 37 years old. Boni wakes and hugs me saying "happy birthday honey", I turn to her side, snug my face underneath her neck and chin and reply with the word thanks. She says she is going to brew coffee, my initial response was yes, I need that. Time to get up, face the day, a day I usually dread, but since with Boni, she has made my birthdays extraordinarily significant.

Well, it isn't a day I usually celebrate, for many reasons, I choose not too, its actually a depressing day for most of my life, again, until Boni has come into my life, things have definitely changed. I am grateful!

Ok, the day was planned by my wife, she had a lunch date with the family, made apple pie (mmm-mmm my favorite), dinner with people we love at home with home cooked meals, again something I enjoy much- cooking.

She was lovely, she took everything slow and showed me the caring and loving woman she is. She teaches the children on our outing about behavior and eating properly to feed based on needed nutrition. Her intent as with mine is to develop a healthier living habit for our children they can carry on in their lives. I support that and I dive in following the educational path we are to expose and instill in their young minds. We love them and this is why we do it.

In general, birthday blessings come from the heart and my family has shown just that. My father sends his best wishes, so does my siblings, my in-laws shared a moment at dinner making my day a special one to remember, my children state their love for me and I feel it - a true feeling can be felt even if words aren't spoken, my wife and her endearing qualities makes my worst days great! As such, my birthday is a hit each year since we have joined in union for and with our love and affection, I could not have asked for better moments like this.

Taken aback, my brother, Gerry sends me scanned photos of my past, well you can see for yourself, the children with me are Donny and Jayvier, little toddlers that have a whole lot ahead of them, if only they can concentrate..hahahha...Other photos were of the evening in sharing, oh how I love family time!

Our weekend was filled with activity, Nan and I went to celebrate her birthday at Hyatt, a father-daughter retreat, Saturday was a rest day, run a few errands and spend QT, Sunday my B-day and happiness from a great lunch at Mariana Resort & Spa to home cooked dinner celebration with the people I love. Wifey had her siblings at home for some great talks and family QT. Loving hugs and kisses from my daughters who came back fromt heir weekend with their dad.  Hope, Peyton and Sommer. Hope gave me yet another precious gift. I love my children. Ah yes, my son who is thousands of miles away sends his greeting via FB, such thoughtful children.

Got more greeting messages from my father, sisters, brothers and mom, such a lovely weekend and I would not trade that for anything. Hmmm, well-yeah nothing!

Reyes Familia sharing QT, Burrrrr! it was cold, but everyone was fashionably cool about it! Love them so much! 

Daddy and Som-som, I actually asked her what should I wish for, she said "good health for everyone" smart young lady!

Teenager, Wayannie blows her candle, I should have stepped in the photo as she asked me too, but I was busy taking it! Nevertheless she knows I love her. Hey wait, she had three cakes for her early b-day celebration... hmmmm so not fair! hahahha. Happy b-day Sweety!

Oh boy, brother Gerry sends these photos below, my past as a young father, still trying to get my footing on raising children, wait I still am... hahahaha, but now I have the greatest of partners in this, my wife. In this photo, Donny on my right and Jay on my left.

I dont remember this time zone, but I think I was still in High School and without children, gosh this is truly a flashback!

Boni would not have noticed my good looks and charm back then.... Ahem Nope she would have! hahahhaa!

Even further back! Auntie Beck and Auntie Mary are surrounded by myself and Pangelinan cousins.

Home sweet home, Susupe visit to the family. That's Donny with me! grumpy as usual. Sorry son, I had to post this! You'll thank me later when I'm gone.

Open it up, he is so excited can't you see.  hahahaha!