Time is ever more so precious!

A photo captures time, the emotion, the composure of oneself at that very moment..Click! and thats it, a lifetime of memories that can be carried throughout time and even long after you leave this life. Time, it is the only thing we can never get back, so why squander on it, live and use it knowing you cannot ever come back to reclaim what was lost with time.

Younger in years, I recall how I wanted to be a grown man, fending for myself and making the choices. This was  more than 25 years ago. I felt that my parents held me back for nothing, but then again, it was my safety that they made these choices for me. Today, having children of my own I see myself doing exactly that of my parents teaching. Hmmm, funny how this turned out and like the phrase goes "only time will tell"...

Tick-tock, tick-tock, the life hour glass

Today, our multi-tasking world requires so much of us in our everyday life. Do you have enough time on your hands? I see many comments on Facebook saying I wish there were more hours in a day, I know me too... I've used this line many times before. The reality is- in my opinion, are the very facts that sometimes we do not plan accordingly in a given day that is tight with needed responsibilities to get done. Then the frustration sets in, the impatience and for some reason, you see everyone else as incompetent or too slow...Hurry up, geez- can't this be any slower?

Needless to say, we all have had our moments and yet because of the lifestyle today, we feel that everyone must be in the "zone", your-- my zone!  Time is ever so precious yet we squander it on occasions and may not even notice life slipping away, tick-tock, tick-tock, but that is for everyone to figure out for themselves, I just wrote this to remind me of how precious time really is...

Call me hypocrite, but hear what I have to say!

On my last post I confronted the notion of being self employed versus that of being employed through another.  Yes, there is my hypocritical slap in the face, but hear me out and then you be the judge.

Self employment proved to be exciting, fun and freedom as you know it could be, but let alone the frustrations, headaches, and keeping sanity was an all time high. Only because you work for yourself and the finances are not regular, they are up or down.

Whereas, being employed has its benefits and set backs too. Now I must conform to a schedule, a routine, a result-driven ambiance while being conservative. Possible, but challenging... I wake each morning thinking what day would bring at the new position I hold by being employed. Time is now a factor, I am no longer prone to being the free bird I once was for several months, but then again, I have income, regular income to satisfy the bills I am responsible for. Yet let alone, my daily routine has not changed much, I still do the errands, pick up the kids from school, but this time I rush back to the office where it was once an easier path, no rush take your time, my self employment work will still be there.

Today, two jobs are at hand by me. I am trying to see how this all goes together, not an easy task, but doable, the question is can I continue to do this? Was I a hypocrite? Yes I was, but with reason... hehehe!

Giving up is not my forte'

Born to this world 35 years ago. I've had numerous challenges and continue to do today. Yet, I am not ready to call it quits in self-employment. Giving up is not my forte' in many aspects of this life I heed. Accepting the challenges and frustration that come with living a lifestyle here in the Marianas has made me look at why most people residing in the Commonwealth see it easier to be employed by the government or other private businesses.

The headaches, the turmoil, the stress of wondering whether you will meet your payables is a constant wear on your mind. It's that tightening of the cap that does not seem to come off and when it does, its only for that brief moment. Even though its like this, I feel a sense of accomplishment. Nevertheless, the challenges that are always looming never go away.

I am inspired by my wife to succeed in what I do and that keeps me going. If it wasn't for her, I'd probably buckle and call it quits, but nope not yet. despite the hardship faced with running a business in an economy that is not so forgiving, I will not let up.  I hope that my brother decides to make it out here to help me out. I am sure that with him on my side along with the support of my wife, we can pull this off.

Today is about diversification. I am doing what is necessary to make this change to survive. I hope and pray it works to my advantage... Wish me luck!

August 2010, BISON Relations is a year old!

Straddling down and cracking the whip as I see this in my head there are many mornings where I ask myself, hmmm, how will today be? Will I be productive? Will this investment I made pay off? This was on-going for a year now since the inception of BISON Relations a year ago this month. My wife, supportive as she is, and dedicated to assisting me build this business said to me yesterday,

"Keep in mind business starts slow and eventually will succeed with hard work and dedication".

My partner, Ulysses Torres-Sabuco in this endeavor said, "Wow! This month is difficult just as last year when we first started". I responded, yes, I did not expect this. I guess the merry-go rounds and the whimsical-ness of running a business and hitting the ground running makes you look back at all the accomplishments as well the heartaches that were poured into what now already is a living breathing company. Supported by many and it supports many as well, I am glad to have started this venture.

A year ago, I was working out of home, no one knew that I had started something, I wondered each time I stayed up late and created more work for myself whether I was on the right path or was I just dreaming. My wife told me before this got going..."I may join the service to find alternative income", that was it! Being the man of the house, I could not see this happen. I went running with a business that I am passionate about and yet scared to wits I might fail, but never trying would have never made me realize what I enjoy the most, entrepreneurship..I love it!

It took several months before I could find a place to situate the business. With one desk and a computer to start off, my office was bare. No signs, no printers, just me, the desk and my computer. Slowly it took face and appearance. Slowly it morphed to looking like an office. Slowly we have become a company.

New plans on the horizon, a new building under renovation to move my business where I could flourish with more people and the development of a hopeful corporation that will enable people to have jobs in the CNMI. Can I do this? Can BISON Relations weather the storm of a weakened economy? Can the weakened economy support a business like this?

Many questions that cannot be answered, but I believe with proper planning and staging of money play for success, there is a great possibility to grow and enrich the lives of my family as well others who depend on such a business for a living.

Products released into the Community, this is only but a few!

My determination, my dreams, my reasons for waking each morning and pushing myself is made possible by the people I hold dear to my heart. My children and my wife inspire me, my family, my partner who shows support and confidence. These shared emotions only tells me to keep going, and keep doing what I enjoy most.

Economic Turmoil: When will it end?

In dismay of economic instability, more businesses calls it quit due to the financial difficulties. The economy that since 2007 received a rating of 47% in foreclosures continues to face difficult challenges. The economic turmoil of the Northern Mariana Islands is a negative portrait to investors and businesses alike. This figure is probably worse today than it was then, when will it end?

Contrast to how marketers yield opportunities, this is the time to start emphasizing on product and spending to stabilize the business growth.  I agree to this, but most businesses on island feeling the pinch differ in thought. The pennies saved is a dollar earned later and when to spend this dollar will not be towards advertising, at least not now in their perspective.

Take for example Verizon, such a large conglomerate company, but there tactics as was told to me by my brother who worked for them at one point indicated that the company does not necessary look at recession as a downfall, but merely looks in the "other" direction where they can make a buck or two.

Can the CNMI look at business this way?Can our tourism officials see that maybe something is not working right with their investment abroad through their offshore offices and what not? Are our advertising plans and actions of acquiring tourist for the islands weak? Is there enough money to support the global competition for tourism? Where do we stand on the paramount downsizing of airlines support for our islands?

This is a reflection of climate change and whether we are ready to embrace the change and effect change, we need to start with our attitude and be driven to find the "other" to steer this economic turmoil.  What we face will be depended upon the people who can make change in their way. Are you ready to effect change?

Now, as an entrepreneur as well, I am looking at the "other" direction. The time is now to get off and sweat more. Determination is my drive, happiness is my success.

Yes, I lost my job, my secured income, but nevertheless, this does not make me incapable of moving and earning for a living. I am determined to get out of this slump and find my oasis in the desert of despair. My wife supports me and my children rely on my presence to deliver, I cannot fail anyone. Not now and not ever!

Wake up Marianas! Go Local and support our local businesses as this is a start! Our Sabalu market, our T-shirt stores that are locally owned, our products that may seem expensive, but in the end, we are all keeping the funds locally and used for our very own benefit.

What's next?

Earlier on in my childhood, my parents instilled the working trait, the use of common sense and the desire to achieve success through sacrifice.  It has now been 35 years later and those traits are stuck, embedded and practiced everyday I wake. Now I ask myself what's next?  Hold let me clarify why I ask this question.

For almost three years I've worked for an educational institution, but it seems that my time has come to move on.  Now being offered a position with a hotel and there is my sole proprietorship business. The business is growing slowly, but is also enduring difficult times due to the economic situation hence, the battles have only begun. Innovations, strategic positioning, enhancing product value and clientèle confidence is ever-more important in todays service industry, but even with that, some clients (possible) still think that they can do without, maybe so and possibly this is why many local businesses fail because they fail to set the NEED for such services.

Ok, I said business is tough and I have decided I will not have my business suffer by carrying my baggage.  I will sacrifice yet another dream to insure stability for my company, this means, I need to get a J-O-B.  No problems with that, I think I would make a tremendous offering back into the work force, I know my capabilities and my ambitious crave to succeed in anything that I do, but now I ask again, what's next?

Difficult decisions are difficult only for the very fact that a change would affect not on you as the person, but everyone around you, in this case, my love ones, my family.  Am I ready to make the change? But if the requirement is to provide for my family then seriously there is no reason I should not consider this. The problem is lied with the extensive hours that once again I will place by being employed versus self employment.  Don't get me wrong, self-employment is much more difficult as I wake each wondering whether I'd make a buck today or not. These challenges of being self-employed in a small economically distraught economy makes you think if this is what's next to rely on as a livelihood. Scale down on lifestyle, done...but here I am again, whats next?

Weekend Toils for weekend spoils...

July 3rd 2010, a Saturday that was just beginning. My six children, have yet to awaken, I get up only on the basis of turning off the Air Conditioners. I think to myself, ok, here we go, no housekeeper today, your all alone and they will wake with rumbling stomachs and many other request that will ring in my ear like a broken record.

I lay back in bed and a few minutes later, Wade has this plastic figurine of a lego spaceman in front of me. "Dad, dad, daddy, mornin'... see, he is looking at you snoring", he says.... I laugh and say good morning Wadey boy! Mind you this is 06:14am. It's going to be a long day!

Number two child wakes and gets a hold of my camera, now things start getting louder at home. Oh by this time, Wade and I had dropped off Tony to his band practice for their concert at DFS later in the afternoon. I felt his eagerness to have me see his performance, I was proud to know he wanted my presence even though he did not directly say, I knew he wanted me there. I was so proud!

As I returned, I looked at what was to be made for breakfast. Looked in the fridge, looked in the pantry, but nothing suits the day or at least I felt. Nannie comes up by mentioning if we had lumpia wrapper (rice wrapper), and I smiled saying, nope... Then viola! I had an idea, fresh banana sugar glazed crepes!!!! Yummy-yum-o!

Ok, we get to work! Nannie gets on the bananas and I start the crepe wrap.  I stated, please when touching the bananas outer-skin with both hands do not touch the inside after as it will be dirty.  "Ai adai si dad so concerned on the dirt or other black thingys that may get on the bananas", says Nannie... Yet, she followed directions and made sure the bananas were so clean.

Not sure on what the crepe batter is, I called Mac out for pointers and he went to work for me by contacting Googs for details....First... Second....

1. Flour 1 1/2 cup

2. 1/4 butter

3. 1 1/2 milk

4. 2 eggs

5. 2 pinch salt

Ahh, success batter made! Now to start cooking.

Nannie, I will make the crepe wraps first, cut the bananas in half then place them slightly over the sugar plate for coating. Cutting away she went.

Glazing the bananas with a sugar coat for sweetness into the crepe browning the fruit for texture. Smells fantastica!

First one made, crepe wrap needs color, but thats another story!  Ha! no colored greens or other fruits to accompany the lonely crepe on the plate, however, I was not complaining, no one was!!! After breakfast, I hear the planning taking place, who will ask as they did the night before... Ok, deep breath, its going to start again...

"Dad, what are we doing today?" asks Nannie... "Wayne are we doing anything today?" asks Hope... "Umm Dad, whats happening today?" says Donny... and the other just stares.... These questions came in from different angles at slightly different times as if practiced to deliver the best performance in acting.

Wheeling and dealing. Rather than toiling around doing nothing, lets clean up and I'll think about it.  Donny on the dishes, jay on the bedding, Hope on the table and .....Nannie...

Oh yeah, she is on the floor.  They pitched in and I was very pleased.  Now, I guess I have to say something... Ok, guys after all is done, I want everyone to shower... The questions start again, "why? can't we shower later?", says Nannie..."Shower? Are we going somewhere?' asks Hope... Ok guys yes, I have a plan.

Ahhh, yes we are going!

However, I would like to finish my coffee first guys!

All showered and ready to go... "ummm daddy, where we going?"....You will find out soon. Did some errands, laughed in the car and joked with everyone, Hope and Nannie making funny faces... It was nice...

I saw in the paper on Friday, pizza hut had some specials going on, it was our lunch, but I may say a very late lunch.

Donny happy for Pizza!

Jay saying, did you know I only ate one crepe and it filled me? Ahh, yes I do remember as I only made one per child, I am glad you are not overeating...

Nannie and hope, wishing the pizza was already placed. It was only 10 minutes since we ordered.  Oh yeah the order was 2 pizzas 2 toppings. Hope and Donny - Mushroom and sausage, Nannie and Jay, Chicken and Pepperoni... Wade, bread sticks...Daddy, ok, only that!

Wade contemplating his secret thought...

"I want to tell you my secret.... I love you daddy!"

A group shot, but missing Mommy, Tony, Peyton and Sommer... Afterwards, DFS for Tony's concert appearance with SSHS Manta Band and the Guam Territorial Band.  This should be nice to watch.

Come on Donny! Why can't you smile... "Sheesh! it is so hot outside and my butt is on fire from this chair!", says Donny.

Oh Yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Hope trying to sing while Wade takes notice of the camera.. "Me, Me, Me!"

Weirdo in action, but great laughs!

Hey sister!

And there he is, Tony and his trombone along with about 50 members of the group playing at DFS. I am so proud of him, he came to a 180 degree turn when Mr. Dewitt asked him to join the band for this liberation day.  I am proud of my son! He has spent his last 72 hours in practice with the group.  Keep it up son!

Right after the concert tony comes to me and says, "ummm Wayne, the members are going to Big Dipper afterwards, do you have at least $3.00 for my ice cream while there?"... No problem here is $5.00. Enjoy yourself and call me when your ready to come home. "Thanks", he replies.

Lets take a group shot! I say and they all look at me like dad, there are so many people, hahahaha, I don't care I want this shot! Snap!

The last leg, taking the walk to the car to head home and relax.  The weekend toilers got some spoiling, but then again, it was not that much after all.  I miss my wife as I am sure she would have been proud of me on how I handled the children this weekend.

A fathers love misunderstood...

I guess at times, your children mistaken you for being a tough, self-centered person when instilling discipline. It is funny however that I try as hard to teach only what I was taught as young boy growing to be man.  Expectations are meant to be broken and you know what, I understand. I just hope they understand me as well.

My wife has taught me to love in different ways, discipline with love was new to me as that was something I did not endure growing up, it was either you messed up and will be disciplined or you don't and probably still get disciplined. Ha ha ha....

Anyways back to my subject, I feel that there are times when a fathers love is misunderstood.  I personally feel that my strictness makes my children feel that I don't love them, but I do, different strokes for different folks is what it is. I came into my children's lives with my 2nd wife after they have already experienced a different lifestyle. Nevertheless, I try to show my unconditional love for them, by doing what I feel is best.  It is a challenge, but I am hoping that in the future they will see that I never once looked away and treated them any different from that of my own blood.

To all my children, daddy loves you all!

Surpassing Expectations Update....

With my expectation stated in January of this year through this blog, I mentioned areas of challenges and dreams come to reality. Well, the couture of things are this:

1. BISON Relations is operating and taking off. It's time to fine tune and reorganize to build equity with the business model. Our name is out there and clients are so pleased with the professional work provided.

2. National Guard was what I really wanted to get into, certain issues affected my enlistment, nevertheless, I am still eager to find myself as a service member in the future.

3. Non-profit group for Humanitarians is kicking butt! Although still in its infancy stages, through proper leadership we have accounted for many fundraising activities and are now looking at growing the organization for international sponsorship of children. Recently we have just opened up in the Philippines whereas, 3 children are being sponsored with $30.00 per month each for their livelihood, health and education.  It isn't much, but it surely helps.




So in essence, I am buzzing like a buzy bee, but that's fine as long as I make time for my family.

HELLER :) Yes, yes, its been a while!

I officially welcome myself back to the world of blogging, I kinda miss it and then again, a great way to keep tabs on the developments that have been a part of me and those who are in my life good and bad, but more so the good from here on out!

Ok, I thought I'd make myself look funny and yes, i should close my mouth, but I was multi-tasking at the time. Try this, hold your camera in one hand and a popcorn or m&m in the same hand and toss, catch with your mouth.... Hahaha, wait a minute, then you question how was the photo captured, see that was the amazing part of it!  I tossed high enough to refocus on the shot, hoping I would have caught in time as the photo was taken... Unfortunately, that was not the case...

Good to be back!

Changing Tides...New format for Blog

I've decided to use this blog for recording instances of my divorce problems with my ex-wife who seems to create more problems than needed for particularly a record of Child visitations and everything else.  I will start posting only those that need to be recorded as eventually, one day, my children will see the what had transpired over the days, months and years of my intent to be with them only to be distraught from my ex-wife's actions.

It may hurt, but I need to start the recording process for the better good.

Unequivocally surpassing expectations

Throughout life, there has been many obstacles that hindered progress. I know it will never subside as these hurdles and challenges plague me horrendously. However, my luck has changed.

Why do I use the term luck? Well, I am a firm believer that the woman in your life resurrects or better yet, vehemently entices one to progress. In my case, I am with my perfect match. Unequivocally she gives me the motivation, the drive to succeed in what I do. To date, my accomplishment listed is not of a huge number, but an accomplishment of what I intend to do or become as I surpass my expectations.

They are:

1. Opened my own business once again, a PR company called BISON Relations. Funny how I thought of this name only the very purpose of the actual animal. Used as my company name for its strength, cunning mobility, gracefulness, embodied stature, then again, when considering my wife's name Boni, the letters in BISON has Boni written all over it. The perfect name for my business.

2. Joining the armed forces. I have done so much in my short life to date, yet I have not been challenged by the Armed Forces. I am curios and eager to find my calling, it may not be it, but I would want to try. What have I got to loose, aside from being deployed to dangerous grounds, then again, I lay my life in the hands of our almighty.

3. President of a non-profit group called Empty Vessel. A humanitarian organization helping others to find stability and financial solvency for themselves. I am proud to serve in this capacity, however not easy with my duties and tasks at hand.

Over the years, I have succeeded in many occasions as well have failed. That has never stopped me from getting up and rising to the occasion once again. I've used my failures to strengthen myself, I mean, my failures are not your common failures in life. I strangely placed myself in such predicaments that would need a crane with large spools of cable to pull me out of the depth I dug myself into. Funny how life composes and defines you as a person.

Closing out this post has got me thinking of where I am today. What have I become? Who am I in this world? I am simple and hardworking and I know that only good things come from those traits. I am a family man, a father, a dad, a lover, a partner, a businessman, a speaker, a confidant, and a friend to say a few. Hence without encouragement from my family, I would never have done what I am doing today. My wife supports me in my endeavors and for once in my life I was told "I am proud of you". My wife said this to me last week as I spoke on behalf of MLK and the non-profit group I head. I love my life, I love the people around me, I love my children, and most of all I love my wife as she defines me.

Karma hits 10 fold on Mouth!

Last Monday, January 11, 2010, the inauguration of my father in law was staking place at the legislative senate chamber. Boni and I were there since the beginning. Low and behold, my ex-in-laws sat right in front of us. I did not really care to feel indifferent, I worried more on my wife who sat right next to me. I wondered what was going through her head as she sees these individuals, one who has spoken ill of her when in fact not knowing her at all. Carelessly, my ex-mother in-law as in her own arrogant ways opens her mouth for attention. I have always realized that she craves to be on center stage. Today was yet another day to showcase herself that way.

I was pleased with my wife's attitude, she is truly a respectable and honorable woman. I on the other hand cannot compare to her standards. Nevertheless, the mouth who sat in front of us opened, she giggled on and on hideously as others kept quiet listening to the procession taking place. No one understood why she giggled like she did. I looked around and saw that others were looking at her with bewilderment. Baffled as to what is so funny and then turn away as if she did not exist. Well she really did not exist and no one really cared of her presence where she probably believed they did.

As my father in-law announced his replacement, he spoke of words indicating a transition. He spoke in English as not everyone in the room would have understood our native tongue Chamorro. As he stepped down from his post as the Senate President of the 16th Legislature, the new President presided for the 17th legislature. He then now spoke in our native tongue and what I heard from mouth in front of me disturbed me. She opened her foul invasive mediocre mouth that was intended for my wife and I to hear, she says, "I am glad to hear this speaker as the first one could not speak" (in Chamorro). She failed to realize that her speaking is that of an elementary child, yet she criticizes one who understands the English language very well and practices the use of the language.

My wife did not hear this, but I told her what she said. On and on we watched the proceedings take place. At one point, mouth decided to move to seat next to her which places her in closer distance to both Boni and I. Immediately, Boni says, "What's that smell? It stinks?", of course I was not listening at the time, but I did notice a few heads turn to see what Boni was talking about. As she explains to me, it related to mouth now sitting in front of me, the person sitting two chairs away from her turned and giggled at my wife as she made the comment.

Interesting enough, Karma hit 10 fold in that short moment. Funny how things turn around so quickly. be careful mouth as the next time, it will not be that subtle.

Transition...What does that mean in life?

It was last month, December 2009, that I pondered on thoughts about my current position, my job, my income. I thought to myself, although I enjoy the people I work with, I believe I am coming to a closure of this part in my life, my roots have been uprooted and I am blowing wherever the wind's direction is going, but not until I can secure financial means for my family.

Of course I am not that free moving like the wind, but have the drive and motivation to move on. My responsibilities for my family hold me planted and re-rooted to where I am, well at least for a while that is. How far do I go? I plan to enlist with the Guam National Guard, a career change? No, I do this to support my family, I know it is not an easy decision to make, but it is one that will enable my family with a life I am longing to provide them. I have started my business in August 2008, a Public Relations company and now I have just signed my first yearly contract with the Public School System. I am grateful for the blessings and particular the support I have received over the past months from key people who have entrusted my company and my companies talents. My excitement and challenges begin.

Today, I will find myself at the Commonwealth Utilities Corporation, setting up my power for my new office. A place of my solitude where I can focus and rethink strategies and move in a direction of profits, hopefully that is. My WIFE, who is my partner, best friend, and lover supports my endeavors. I appreciate her support as I want her involvement when the time comes, but then again, how far do I go with this? The challenges of running a business on Saipan, hence, everywhere else in the world is not easy. Global economic downturn is affecting everyone, including a small business like mine. Intervention, creativity will have to take place. Soon, I tell myself as I will enable more time to developing my business. I am career oriented, I am motivated, I am scared of what is there for me with what I am doing, but I wish to have no regrets and I will do what I can to say in the least, I have no "what ifs?".

I tend to see this as a transition in my life, does that make sense? can it be called a transition? All I can say is am hoping that with this new changes I tend to make, I would only hope for the best, but it is mere fact that actions are what depict your success or failures, I am not going to fail! I carry with me my cross, I will not drop it, and if I do, I will not dwell on how far it fell, I will ensure that i quickly pick it up and trudge along with lessons learned.

Wish me luck as I start on my transition...